It is almost certain that we will have to deal with aggressive people in our lives. Aggression arises during a conflict when a person feels the need to protect their interests or to fight for something, often at the expense of others. So let’s make it clear that aggression is something at our expense.
First, you can recognize an aggressive person if:
- They interrupt you or speak loudly to prevent you from speaking.
- They do not allow their point of view and input.
- You often have the feeling that your limits are being crossed.
- The interaction with the person often creates tension.
- You feel energetically and emotionally drained after interacting with them.
Unfortunately, we cannot avoid these people. Therefore, we need to find a solid balance between assertiveness and empathy to deal with them. Follow these 5 steps to master the art of dealing with aggression.
How to deal with aggressive people
keep your mood
Fighting fire with fire will only make things worse and encourage aggression from the other person. Some tips to stay calm, even when you feel angry:
- Breath deeply.
- Get up to get a glass of water or your phone. Doing something else dissipates the tension that is building right now.
- Think about how much you will regret the things you say in anger.
point them out
Call it what you see. Don’t carry on the conversation like nothing bothers you.
However, you should signal that the other person is being aggressive with a statement of empathy, rather than agitating them further.
Avoid using the words ‘you’ or ‘your’ and try something like:
- “No need to stress, we’ll figure it out/fix/resolve it.”
- Could you lower your voice?
- ‘Sorry, can I say something I think is important/might help?’
- “I understand that it can be stressful/upsetting.”
If you do this early on, it will help move them out of a place of not being self-aware and more aware of what they are doing.
As a result, it can help make the person more open to hearing what you have to say.
Empathize
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand why they are being aggressive.
As we mentioned earlier, aggression is a natural reaction to protect or claim something. Try to consider:
- What does the other person have to lose? (time, money, friends and family, status, reputation, etc.).
- How would you feel if you were in this situation?
- Is there something else going on in the person’s life that usually causes them to become agitated and angry very easily?
be assertive
It may seem contradictory that you can be empathetic and assertive, but one does not exclude the other.
Understanding the other person’s position does not mean that you will allow them to be aggressive.
- Keep your voice low and steady. This will show confidence and will not encourage the other person to try to outspeak you.
- Stand your ground and don’t let the person monopolize the discussion. Say your opinion.
- Be respectful and ask for the same respect in return.
- If the aggression level starts to rise, respond with more force and assertiveness to show that your tolerance is waning.
Focus
If someone is overcome by their emotions, they lose sight of the issue at hand and how the whole discussion started.
By focusing the conversation on important things and facts, you are helping the other person to think and reason again. For example:
- ‘All that matters is that…’
- “In a few years, we will look back on this situation and laugh.”
- Try to make the other person laugh, as this will completely disarm them.
preview photo credit Tom Conger/Flickr